May 15, 2008

the busy day dreamer

I am no upset. I think its PMS.
It sucks to know that only females suffer this phenomenon.
as if its a good thing... Mood swings are not good i can tell u this.
And its even worse when you are someone who likes to
daydream, imagine, and hope against hope it can happen someday.
ive been staring at my handphone waiting for a call or a sms.
for what? from who? who cares?? wth man..... this is so not me.
what stupidity! My goodness... I didnt grow up to be such a shallow person!

So i am naive, blur and most of the time clueless.
but at least i have a conscious mind working and i make an effort to perform la..
im beginning to not perform so well at work... i dunno why...
school's not bad so far but definitely can be alot better.... ALOT better.
im so worn out at the end of the day, i dont even feel like changing out of my clothes, going for my bath, check my emails, do my revisions (which are so overdued), update my class's status, get tomorrow's clothes ready, drink my soup, bring my bag into my room..........blah
i just want to lay on the couch in whatever im in, hug my huge bag and fall asleep.
in the morning, i almost always wake up in shock cos i forget to set my alarm clock, i always pray there's another 2 hours more to sleep, fall asleep at the sink brushing my teeth, just stand there and stare at my sister in bed snoring away (lol), curse myself for being so dumb at wearing contact lens, hope that the bus uncle would go faster for me, that the train im in would just stall, grumble at the fact that i have class tonight, grumble at my wardrobe for not selecting what to wear for me, hate that i have to think breakfast? or skip?(i still dont have the habit...sigh), fumble for a song in my creative for something that would wake me up, stare at that eye candy in the train beside me :p.........blah

i just gave myself the death sentence... i lurve, absolutely lurve to wake up horribly late in the morning. and of all things, i gave myself more work to do and now i have to wake up early every single day of the week. responsibility....argh....
so what if im earning from them? i have to freeze me arse off, sun in the sun, dry up me skin and hair, scream till im hoarse, and still force a smile at the end of the day consoling myself its what i want.
honestly, i am glad and happy at the end of each class. but is that what i want? i cant say yes.
the committment it too much sometimes, and really, most of the time performance is not up to me to produce and give. its out of my control 75% of the time. and its always my fault when performance is not seen. sigh....
now i cant let go of these darlings... so what if they are of all race and sizes? so what they are 6 to 55 years old? i agreed and promise to take them in, now they are under my care, and i dont give up on people easily. not when i promise i would stay with them so long they want me to. willingly. and i realise.....its not the money. otherwise why would i always forget its time to collect the monnie until they ask me and pay me? im just not good with money.... now i feel even worse.... lol

ah and this point: ahNgee MOVE ON will you?!

lucky im an optimist. at least i think so.
i like to complain, this is me~ haha...
hey! at least i put this in green (not so hard on ur eyes), lol~
sorry la... for any complains from wasting your time to what-a-load-of-crap.
but at least i updated~ buahahahah!! (^.^)

15-05-2008 1pm

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