August 26, 2005

NO amount of bug repellant can repel this SUPER bug!!!

Dear Geri:

im sorry about the whole episode. maybe iuts just that pure jealous feeling thats in most males that burnt out that final straw in your relationship. maybe its that many many times that you forgave him and we kept mum hoping that it'll not affect your relationship because we dont want you to be sad. but i guess we are the culprit, or maybe its just me, that made you sadder than him.

frankly speaking, i dont encourage people to breakup because i dont want to be the one to 'force' you to do things that you might regret and wel blame me. yes thats selfish of me i know but its just a principal. now that you announce the breakup officially, i guess i can talk about that more openly liao.
yea i knew how much a jerk he's been and how many times he made you really sad. i also knew that you wanted to break up much earlier but hung on maybe because of us pressuring you to stay on. yea i still remember the bunnies and the tears over the phone. its bad really bad. so bad that i wanted to tell you that you should just dump him, but i didnt... damn me if i should have done that earlier... who cares if he might just kill me if he's reading this? but the problem is i didnt know enough of whats going in your life to have a say, all i can say is what most people would think correct "stay on". but i guess its time that i learn to agree with you liao. must be frank and blunt to friends, correct?

well its just that after reading your entry, i thought that its also time that i do something to show that im sorry just like what you did for me the last time. well we are like not in the same school liao and we only have like the occasional weekends to meet up and recollect what we lost during the time when we're not together. its true that as we groe up we tend to just not have enough time for our friends and our families. but the bond is always there, right? well does it mean that if i make you angry in the future, you'll forgive me somehow??
i admit that there are times when im just not there for you especially this month and yes im realy sorry about that. well let put the keng thing behind and say that hes probably the only one whos there to share the woes with you so far when all of us are like MIA. maybe it time that i appreciate that hes our friend and that having him around does make things better.
medic+councellor = really not bad at all! well its also time that i learn that as your friends i have to be responsible and be there for you as you've always been there...well i cant ask you to be there 100% cos no body except non-humans can do that!
hey im not trying to slander you lar~ its just im not in the right frame of mind the last time cos im still fuming over that bakka!~ and for your information i dont intend to bug off you cos i did that and i almost lost a friend forever. at least i found her again and yes you've met her at the japanschool's summer festival.
yup! NO amount of poison or bug repellant can repel this SUPER bug!!! muahahah!

hugs hugs and more hugz,

1. i cant find a nice pic cos those that are suitable have wordings on them and well since your other blog says angel lenne ui fifure this is better to represent you~
3. i hope you still like blue cos well this blog is blue for a reason haha!
2.oh and i checked: buaya is not a lizard but a crocodile although i thought its a cute name... but i still prefer CAT.

August 23, 2005

or are you feeling guilty?

well what do i put into this episode of well hopefully explosive entry....
im not trying to humor anyone but definitely humor myself reading my poor english trying desperately to float and hopfully achieve something that my GP teacher would be proud to read. things like a reply to a friend: "damn i missed that session of openly discriminating at the very insensitive gender and well scold and kill as much as i can at them simce we are a all galz group! who needs guys anyway. you can rid of guys and well we can still clone ourselves and shock egg cells to life so that we get pregnant without the need of sperms! buahahah!! oops..."

anyway nothing, as usual, happened although i would liked to have something happen.
besides i realise that its easier to B**** about your friends and people all around you, regardless whoever they are.... and cross your fingers that i dont receive any court notice for slandering. im SERIOUS about keeping my link IC pink thank you.

so lets start with a potentially explosive, definitely entertaining for the clueless, stab in the back for the victim and so hard to slit my mouth to mouth those damned words.(although i think i'll forget what else to include after this.)
well it concerns that xj guy and well my friends who, well lets just drop any hints to who she is lar! anyway most of you out there dont know her as well. anyway...(just dont report me as slandering on the internet.....)

people say shes basically a fun person to be with once you know her. besides the occasional not very lady actions at the table, she dresses to kill any guy out there with the taste for womanly lady. dress and a BLOODY HIGH high heel to match and usually the makeup that well at least someone say is better than me. (speaking of which i dont have the habit of doing myself up cos there is really nothing to look at anyway.) but then there are a few who believes that she has more flaws that shadow her after years of accquaintance. lets just say that there are times that she can be rather petty and

this is the 2nd version(continues...) cos the com thinks that im too harsh...(lost my previous copy in cyberspace) this is the softer and probably much less harsh...

well its all because of my MENTAL BARRIER that i didnt do anything drastic so far onto her. lets just say that i would rather not hurt or break anyone. PEACE man. but then there are times where DRASTIC measure have to be taken like in this case. lets just say that galA and rabbitB have some problems which i see as really simple stuffs. 1. B has a very bad temper and being a guy, this can spell EXTREME ugliness and horrible attitude.(although i believe that you HAVE an equally scary temper yourself) 2. A has problems knowing what is it that she wants in my view. somehow i think that she is in love with X. and so is X but somehow they are reluctant. (and if im B i would be rather angry and explosive too) I personally believe that all the WOOHA over this is a classic case of "push all the blame on you(B) and hope i(A) dont feel GUILTY!"... (you and your living without guilt) seriously why is it that its all his fault over this split?? im not trying to stand on anyone's side but really lets talk about being fair. he apoligised and well i thought that its nice of him to actually do that after thinking and cooling down. you CANT blame him for being jealous! and you, HAVE you thought that you are being not cold or resolute BUT insensitive. being his fav, you should know that it is normal and perfectly important that he gets jealous when you spend too much time with X! really how can that idea NOT cross you?? if i do the same thing you are on him wouldn't you react the SAME way although you know that its just friendship?? come on lar! think gal and dont try to shun from this! face it! its not totally his fault and neither is it yours! its just that hes really ANGRY and you dont realise that things have gone a little OVER the top. he's already spending LESS time with you cos of army and there another guy is spending MORE and more time with you! if you want to end this get it over and done with! dont drag and drag just because hes BEGging you to go back to him. dont be so complacent okay? he can choose to dump you if he wants to! (remember the times you kissed him just to let those girls drooling at him know that hes yours.) truthfully, WHY is it that you dont want X to know that its partially his fault? or are you feeling guilty cos you really did go past that line WITH him? ( damn i forgot what is that i wanted to say...) are you trying to protect something? the thing is you guys are letting this drag too long and it seems that you are stuck in a limbo where you just dont know what to do. B or X? make a choice gal! if B is as bad as what you've told me, just forget him and start over with someone else! you've got so many people behind you scared what?!(theres always X who would do anything for you)
ALL ASIDE, im a little piss. of what? of small stuffs like you guys happily ASSUMING that im not free so that you can go to the festival TOGETHER. walau! okay lar im NOT that fluent in jap as compared to you but im the one who introduced you leh! and now you LEAVE me out of these fun you have?! and share with him?!? if there really is nothing then why that fear?!?!?!?! cosplay leh? ASSUME i read papers and will definitely NOTICE that ad! wa biang! i was the reluctant one! i wanted to go in casual clothes and you said NO! and he went with you in casual wear?! and i found about that AFTER the whole thing! waste my money to buy stuffs and i have to make them myself! and this is what i get! wa biang! WHY didnt you just ask him in the first place?! since you guys are the one who's INTO this thing and im not! now i finally know what is going on in my brain when i did that "BLARDEE HELL" entry... chey! dont assume lar! i would rather know that im missing something BIGger than class outing BEFORE i actually missed it! it SUCKED to know that you are LEFT OUT of something like this and someone else is there with you other than me! damn X if i can! hate! hatE! haTE! hATE! HATE! IDIOT! im going to become B number 2 after this entry man!!!!!!! and there the 2 of you are enjoying life! haiz.... ZZzzz....

watever... i never expect anything to do with love to be rational and politically correct anyway.and dont call me thinking that im hurt over X! please! if you want to get hitched just do it! why do i care if its you or someone else?! anyway whatever you do just leave friendship outta the picture okay.sometimes i wonder, yes i did, if you are the one who's interested in him while you curse under your breath trying to tell me that there's chance when there is evidently none! but thats ncie of you even if its not the case...
take this in a light mood okay~ im not trying to like scold or lecture you cos seriously im not up to that standard to do that to you. optimistic. hopefully this crap can help you make decisions faster and hopefully everything will be okay after all this!


August 15, 2005

'but this is all there is 2 it now.Sorry'

now that i have been back for say almost a week...
sadly im still as dark as ever... haiz.... okay lar not that dark but still darker than how i used to look like.
thats about the only thing new about my appearance!

i got my new phone finally. yes like ゆきふみ, its my first phone with a camera... haha its the 7260. BLACK! unfortunately i have to pay for that phone full myself geez....

anyway this has been like the little happiness that kept me going happy as i would like since im like surrounded by sad sad stuffs although the people involved dont seemed to think this way.... ahwell...
let just say that there were a few perhaps misunderstandings that led to a series of unfortunate endings....

yelloe for the sunshine that hasnt been shiniy enough and perhapes i wanted blue more cos i would like a gloomy dark wet weather to be sad in place of me~...


im just glad that i took jonny boy's advice and told that guy, lets just say he's xj, err that i liked him. the thing is using words like blogging, it felt easier to say and tell things so everything went via SMS(gotta love this thing). i didnt expect to like tell now but somehow i saw the opportunity to tell so why not? afterall i wanted to get this over and done with as soon as possible. well i can't say it didnt went well but it didnt went perfect either. 'BEST" of all he made himself sound really desirable.(and of course me totally undesirable on the other hand)
"but this is all there is 2 it now.Sorry" (an extract word for word)
Wa biang! as if people still like him NOW? c'mon its like how long liao and you think im that chi1 qing2 meh? besides he's got a gf that he cant let go after 12 times of fen1 fen1 he2 he2. 12 freakin TIMES! what else is there? with that attitude towards me... no wonder i dont feel the sting chey! im like probably the only girl that he MISTREAT man! PUI! say i made him feel really bad after i told him im hurt. what else is there for me to feel? HAPPY ARH?! use your brain! if im not sad after that there MUST be something wrong with me and well i would have walked and admitted myself at woodbridge thats just a walk away! besides knowing him for like 8 years now, what else would i expect from him? knowing that im like the ALIEN that he treats differently haiz! so what if you say you didnt and that you are trying real hard to be a real nice guy to everyone INCLUDING me?! because i just DONT FEEL A SINGLE TINY WAVE of anything you gave basic girls i know out there, yinru, geri, janice, jennifer, jane(, still want more??) from YOU!!! so what if im like expecting that BLARDEE 'ELL comment that he might and probably will leave on the comment section. c'mon lar this is MY BLOG and NOBODY freakin knows who i'm talking about except 2 or maybe 3 person! besides xj isnt even the name that's closely associated with YOU in your group of friends!
now that i think of it. and the most he'll give me is another spoiled day like the rotten birthday of mine(mind you its my precious BIRTHDAY!) he gave me. THANK YOU HOR! BUT I DONT WANT!!! things people tell me about him that come to think of it...nah!
romantic: NO because romantic people will choose to break this kinda thing gently instead of SLAPPING me straight in the face.
nice guy: NO because he's nice to selective people. people ask him to study for A he say no time and blah blah reasons and left me studyin ALONE! lies all LIES! say all i have to do is ask and see what i get?! waste my time.
oh so gentle: NO because hes like the only guy so far whom i havent gotten over the hits and kicks from this taekwondo BLACK belt who thinks that he's begin very gentle already and that its right for him to do that to me a gril and not other girls when they hit him.
now im totally UPSET! the more i recall and think the more upset i am! maybe i should just BURN that cat that i made for his BIRTHDAY rather than pass it to anyone else, erase it from all my records; and return him, no throw away that spoiled old gift he gave me for a really fake birthday present. stupid albino racoon. come to think of it, maybe SOMEONE has been never more correct more exact! he really is a BUAYA!
Eugene is probably still the NO-MISTAKE choice now that he's in the picture. take it as eugene treat me with the outmost reapect and all that very GENTLEMAN behaviour, lovin and carin that FRIENDS usually do for each other. no wonder he's still so attractive. my bad that i grow up to like people of diff attitude. maybe i shouldn't have STARTED this whole thing. kept MUTE and let it WEAR OFF like last time and maybe things wouldn't have turned out like that. anyway he wasnt as HORRIBLE last time. maybe slimming down does change people. and, from the many examples i know, for the WORST.
with this in mind, maybe i dont really want to slim down anymore...dont want to turn nasty, do i?(christina ring any bell?)

...crimson blood looked so pretty you might as well let it flow forever...


August 11, 2005

I'm bAck!

im finally back from LTC camp and this time my group finally changed from the all time fav Gollum to Merry but alas its still the Hobbits....
ahWell why complain more when you already have a taste of change!

the teachers were especially sweet when they distrubuted cookies to all of us facils as a token of apreciation~
but then i was rather tired to fully acknowledge that sweet sweet gesture. afterall i just got back to dry land from a sea expedition when we bumped into a storm in the end. so i guess the inevitable always comes sooner or later lar~
anyway it was a fun experience to be rowing on choppy water and have painful drops of rain fall on you... at least i still float after all that rain~ but then i have to thank my darling partner in that canoe serene~

the way back i was so tired i did crappy stuffs with hoze like call geri in the middle of her lecture and sang her the happy birthday song lol chinese version included man!
anyway we fell asleep after that and being the big sister to him, i naturally became the 5 star pillow sigh.... but being hoze, he waked up and cheered immediately as if we hadnt enough after all these days!

actually i havent gotten over the whole camp thing and well it was nice to see teachers like mr singh, ms aud, ms ong, mrs koh and mr koh, ms choong, mr neo, mr lawrence, etc..... to many anyway.
and not to mention the facils that ive missed so much! huifen, angeline, weiting, song kwang, jarren and well yes hoze, desmond and the rest of the whole lot of us!

i met up with geri the next day to celebrate her birthday but her parents end up treating us at chatterbox! well at least we had a great time together taking neoprints which was great fun! and well going to the toapayoh mac to continue our lil gossiping about christ and blah blah lar~
well at least i found a bust that i can take to toapayoh... still have to change that blaardee bus twice! haiz....
then me and geri had a talk at round 2 am after that on something thats a little sensitive but maybe its not that serious anyway....

getting over someone is easy when you meet the better one again finally after 1 and a half years. but somehow the first still refuse to dissolve into a mere memory~ im waiting and waiting till im numb talking about him using words but somehow talking and seeing him face to face is harder than ever~ maybe its time i face the music and hope its a beautiful prelude, otherwise i might as well kill myself...crimson blood looked so pretty you might as well let it flow forever...

August 04, 2005

alas an update

okay im sorry for not updating for so long but then i cant help it...
first of all i was in a blurr state until like this week..
since the allergy and busy week then, i was like lost in dunno-where
i'm starting to feel real dizzy sitting down in front of the computer... but what to do i want to finish what i started... haiz

i still get these patched of swell from time to time.
very itchy and painful and well they are red...
some say its the aftermath of the allergy reaction and well its not improving yet...
its like a itch that comes on and off and i did some stupid things like scratch until it bled a while ago...
well as usual my brother scolded me for my insanity and my mother just sigh in disbelief. my father couldnt believe it.
yes its that bad and well i hve been in a bad bad shape since then...
lots of asthma attack, dizzy spell and an appetite that goes haywire all the time.
i was like so hungry this morning and suddenly i dont feel like eating at all...
even the sight of food makes me ill.

actually i dont know what to update, im like doing the same old things all the time and well everyone's in university now since school has started and im still stoning, rotting.
suppose to have a slackers club outing also but damn my time-table... sorry gals and yea i miss you gals~
im sorry that i didnt get to call geri and check on her about her bunnies cos i didnt read her entries until today...
im glad that i made jon's b'dae a lil better with the 16 min call as he claimed and oh my goodness... its gonna cost but what the heck! this day comes like once a year!
geri and xk are so much closer now and i feel kinda lonely. the effects of going to a different school and studying the "same(?)" subject... damn this sucked
her darling is going to like celebrate her birthday and well im not even sure if i can make it... xk sounded pissed although i really cant help it funny why he so protective of everyone and not me... im kinda JEALOUS but whatever lar~
my reason for not being there is beause LTC ends on that day of the party and well... we are only going to return to civilisation that night... probably like 9pm...

i have this urge to just call my first crush from time to time, why not someone like you-know-who or even YC?
well i dont know really... but the last time i called him and said that i just want to hear his voice, PHEW! he treated it as a joke.
but really what diff will it make that now i have told him i liked him so much that it hurts
time do heal cos i dont feel that way now cos i know its impossible... maybe its the aging and the maturity (but what mature mind do i have? its still as naive as ever!)
but what is impossible? anything could happen you know... thats what everyone says but its NOT happening guys~
i did do things like fantasise being with the people i liked but~ it felt kinda funny, weird actually.

geri i was thinking if we are mature enough to like talk/tell everything to HIM cos it just felt like a great stone still stuck there... i mean i felt so much better like mission accomplished when i told eugene what i felt for him last time... maybe its time i spill? jon, your opinion??

well my head is treatening to spin out of control now and im like typing wrong every one or two words... argh.... oh yea and i have this urge to find a guess what? boyfriend! HAHA!
no im NOT joking okay~