grading versus being good

wow life is great until grading comes up

and yea its finally here and its an expected fail for my JLPT4 test last year end.
well the truth is im not prepared for the test at all cos i was so hooked up with A levels then and im so dead tired to actually study japanese language after that...
sigh my $$ down the drain... but never mind the karchua will prevail!!
as i always procrastinate that i will as usual...

time to brush up my japanese vocabulary and grammer liao~ maybe i'll try again this year lol

you know i find it hard to believe that MOE or everyone in the education sector believes in tests and grading for languages
i think the whole system simply sucks
language to me is something that one cannot test nor grade as a matter of fact.
what seemingly wonderful to you might be regarded as crap by me
language is simply judged by preference
and language is best represented by people under no stress or pressure to produce good works
so how can anyone say your english is good simply because you scored an A in 'O' levels
i did and truthfully my conduct of this language sucks lar
my vocab is like junior level and im happily staying at that level
GP is NOT a language lar!! is simply a teat to see how well you can reason, smoke, fight, quarrel you way out of a there-is-nothing-to-argue-about question
frankly speaking i would be a rather carefree person is i were to engage in GP writing all day unless im a reporter a columnist or a GP bounded personnel(teachers and students in JCs)
ahh the poor beings unless they actually enjoy debate which i do but overdose is not to my taste

so how can you say that my elders's japanese is NOT up to standard of they can communicate with japanese and has never learnt this language in school at all?!
see.....
and why is it that my neighbour's chinese as well as english sucked to the limit when they are taught profusely during school? but the dialect is superb?
wow! amazing right!

maybe i should become japanese and surround myself with japanese stuff so that i can turn japan-specking-writing-singing
haha joking lar!

now there is french to add to the already overfilled platter of mine in the language sector
how will karchua fair?
how will karchua survive?
will karchua reign supreme?!
lol something extracted from somthing i heard this afternoon....

its gonna suck this week (or so i think...)

okay this sucks and i have to face it sooner or later...
O levels will be out on the 28th February 2005
which means A levels will be out next week... which is 7th march 2005

sigh... so much for good moods afterall...

i know i know its my fault that dont do well the last time and this time its even more my fault liao lar!!! people say this is some experience to make myself stronger facing the future crisis... i say this is a simple waste of my time and my inability to face that i failed big time this time and its time to move on and make out something better from what i have left...
i should not have pressed so insistant on doing the science faculty at all... all that bio is getting into me and it seems that im just giving myself the opportunity to wail about my mistake...
i should have just went ahead to do psychology in FASS (faculty of arts & social science) instead... or maybe i should have went to NIE (national institute of education) which i considered but missed that damn psyco test that i didnt see until its too late... damn...

im optimistic yes because ive excelled in everything that i attempted in the last year...
i passed every iceskating test 4 of them with no problem at all
i passed the traffic police test for a class 3 licence with flying colors
i pass the less than 30% passing rate swimming instructor exam
i am at advance 1 of my japanese lesson and still hanging there
what else you want me to do?! i simply do not understand why i just cannot pass the @I$&!*&?$
A levels... why why why?!
im stuck with teaching swimming for the next 6 months before i can get my licence to teach and probably after that this may be where i derive my meger income...
trust me to start feeling dreadful as the attachment comes... what if i dont do well? what if the students are diffcult? what if horrors of horrors i screw the lessons up?!

all these and my fear that keeps creeping up on me...
the deepening dark eye circles and growing waistline...

i feel wonderfully wonderful

i dont know if im updating too often and filling my blog with far too many lyrics for comfort...
lol
but then those lyrics are picked with thoughts in mind although im not please with them most of the time after a while...
so far the ones i really like are 'dont know why', 'you are the sunshine of my life', maybe 'emotions', 'how deep is your love' and 'game of love'...
i dont know how to classify them but so far i prefer feel good songs like
'you are the sunshine of my life'...
its like you can never get tired of these songs and so far i think i've been listening to
'you are the sunshine of my life' close to twenty times now!
i was really tired and needed something to fix me up and well i feel really recharged now and im actually finding difficulty typing this out while preventing myself from bouncing to the music and my mind from humming such that i cant think...
see im not those lucky few who can multi-task unfortunately
so i cant talk one the phone and watch TV nor surf the web while listening to my favourite songs
so if i try to sing the song now i will have to stop or i will eventually stop typing unknowingly

you know im so stuck with music essentially i cant stop doing things related to songs
and once i start i'll really go overboard...
unfortunately im not really good at it such that i am eligible as a Dj at radio stations or even attempt to join the backgroud vocal forces which i am actually interested...
sure kenna kick out one!
im an idiot such that i know the song but i dont know the name, singer, composer, or even the lyrics! serious!
up till now i only know
you are the sunshine of my life~ blah blah blah~ you are the apple of my life~ blah blah blah~
thats all really!!!
sigh.... am i really that bad an appreciator? i go to concert cos they sound interesting and most of the time someone promises me a good performance as a guarantee....

chey!
no bad thoughs man!!!
i cant help it when this oh-so-MMmmmmmmm...... song is playing non-stop
by the way this song is truly inside and outside STEVIE WONDER
nice~ you guys should try this song when you are in the dumps! at least it works all the time for me.... this song is actually new lar about 2 weeks nia~
i dont remember the older ones i used to hum when im down but they are about this lor!
the songs classified under feel-damn-good-song in my simple mind!
enjoy!!!

YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE~~~!!!

~you are the sunshine of my life~

You are the sunshine of my life
That’s why I’ll always be around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you’ll stay in my heart

I feel like this is the beginning,
Though I’ve loved you for a million years,
And if I thought our love was ending,
I’d find myself drowning in my own tears.

You are the sunshine of my life,
That’s why I’ll always stay around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you’ll stay in my heart,

You must have known that I was lonely,
Because you came to my rescue,
And I know that this must be heaven,
How could so much love be inside of you?

You are the sunshine of my life,
yeah,
That’s why I’ll always stay around,
You are the apple of my eye,
Forever you’ll stay in my heart.

(background)
love has joined us,
Love has joined us,
Let’s think sweet love.

all the highness in choir

ahh~
CHOIR the ultimate highness one can always guarantee thyself everytime you sing!

highness......
high in notes
high in err... feeling due to the hyperventilation... hehheh!

the recent collection to make it a grand total of 4 songs at the moment is
Exultate Justi
interesting song with all the symptoms arising when you sing it over and over again

actually twice is enough to get you the hyperventilation
thrice gives you the feeling that you are floating
one more time and speaking as well as singing seems really easy
afterall you are 'open' up already!
your head...err...skull. your voicebox stretched to the you-never-know-you-could limit! and everything else that comes with singing.

actually i dont mind the singing at all... its actually very interesting to see where my limit actually is... so far this song is okay but the running notes is what i have to train over again... we did a similar indian song quite a while ago but its been so long i dont remember how i did that.
but we will perservere! for we have, or rather i have, the karchua spirit! hah!

new stuffs learnt.
singing still require some planning rather than what i always do.
which is to sing according to feeling, blind feeling.
peak, as what i've learnt from greg, happens at the heavy beats which is essentially the 1st and third beat usually in the four basic beat.
and i have to remember to quit that bad habit which i think i accquire from the collaboration with SCO. drop the jaw! drop the jaw!
muz reember! aiyah because i keep going sideways which produces funny sounds that i dont like either! ;P

heh heh i finally fixed the com! yesh!!!!
but for now i have to get back to my consonance homework !

stupid adware

you know~
the reason i cant update until i started taking desperste measure today it because of this
CWS adware known as " about:blank"
it just keeps popping up everytime i try to enter a new page.
i cant check my mail
i cant update my blog
i cant surf at ALL!!!
you know i dont really mind if it replaces my homepage
BUT
i get really frustrated and upset if it messes with my surfing!!!!

besides that CWS which is suppose to be coolwebsearch
(which i have encountered a long long time ago)
is virtually useless with alot of really pron searches although they improve a little to cater to people not as desperate
you can try and ignore
but its still really frustrating when you dont require the search page poppong up again and again but some peace to do my chores

will any kind soul out there plz grant me something
please please.....anything as long as its err.....free.....
paiseh but i really broke just as any student will be lar~
i got help from webroot which comes to nothing because my com really not resoponding
help from ad-ware SE core or aawsepersonal i dont really know which one is the real name but its the same as webroot...
maybe this CWS is really really troublesome so much that they cant break it fast like the others....

im still waiting...still hopeful....
before im forced to reinstall the whole thing again or simply get another new one... sigh.....

definition of a friend

hmm.... what is the definition of friend??
anyone wanna try...

i dont even want to think of the definition for im sure that i dont fulfill alot of the few requirement... ha ha sad but true lar!

and what does a huge group of friends define as?
hmm.... that i dont know too...

i was really over the limit when i was in secondary school... yea its true and i did actually mistreat many of my friends then...
maybe i was naive and didnt know what friends really mean actually but although its a little too late, i do regret losing contact with many of them...
i found a couple of them in friendster which i admit that i neglected it even until now...
im trying im trying but maybe not well enough...
jasmine and shiyi sort of err.... ignore me lol
maybe i was really cruel or just plain ignorant and didnt manage to keep in contact at all.... lol

then someone has to come and tell me that i neglect alot of my friends...
that i didnt meet them often enough or actually contact them enough...
the truth is im just too lazy as what i gathered
but to me i want to really make sure i can treat my current small but close group of buddies well enough then make sure i make everyone happy but the relationship is really shallow...
i got my reasons but yea its bad... really bad....

i have a humongous group of friendssssssss
however they are sort of really many group in all...
theres

~consonance
~nyjc
~02S7C
~zhonghua prefects
~zhonghua SS
~chongfu PS

out of these groups the ones that i neglected most is actually my primary school
although theres another group in my secondary school that dumped me...lol..

i missed them alot really.... although i should me happy that i still have friends to accompany me

i want to be friends to everybody but its really hard to me you know.
the committment and responsibility and the usual classification of inportance to many of them.

you know i really fear that im more important than your other friend thing
as well as the im your best if best friends...
not that im not flattered but im scared that im not gonna perform well enough to your standard
my parents are another thing
i am like pressured by them to not fulfill much of my friends gathering or simple meetings because they will just keep screaming and nagging and complain that you dont care about home and blah blah~
im not sure how many of you get this but i get it all the time and its killing me.

i was like going out with my parents for a consecutive 3 days which im okay with.
BUT
on the 4 day when my friends called me for a gathering my parents actually say ' why do you have so many outings everyday?! cant you just stay home and help instead of playing all day, everyday, all the time?!'
wth?! i was working like a slave for ya and you say i've been playing all day?
what does the 3 day outing with them account to?
what does the whole week stay at home and help goes to?
it becomes i play and go out all week to meet my friends, enjoy my life while they slave, ignore family and let them suffer in silence?!
ridiculous!

ah well.... it may take me time to actually fullfill all my friends requirement and satisfy them in a more matured manner although its gonna take me a real while...
im the meantime if you are reading this and realise that im your long lost friend~
feel free to leave a message regarding this post and i'll be glad to get back to you and begin from where we left off from...

the fortune teller

i was on this trip to indonesia bali a long long time ago.
i think it was when im 10 years old.

the people on the tour were all singaporeans and by far the best group of people ive met on the couple of tours ive been to.
there was this family who's an all well-known-reporter family.
another a really hip indian family and eurasian family.
i dont really recall but there was this really big chinese family.

then there's this loner~
a female in the say thirties.
she's little crazy in the ways and somehow we are all okay with her.

one day while on the way to another destination
the girls from the chinese family taught me the cucabarrow song
quite interesting... and i remember it still!
and the mysterious woman who was chatting with us suddenly start talking to us about herself.
apparently she hurt herself really bad in an accident and she claim she got a little crazy due to the brain damage she accquired in the accident... poor thing...
she lost much of her stuffs to the accident but she seemed really optimistic and the fact she's on a tour with us shows that she's coping and doing it really well.
anyway she say she studied fortune telling and is currently in this area of business...
she's a really mysterious person frankly... that air around her.

she offered to tell me my fortune and to be specific 'LOVE'
why i dont know~ all she said was she liked me alot and wanted to do something for me.
i was really scared when she wanted to do it for me frankly
i wasnt really comfortable cos it seems really very out-of-this-earth but my curiousity is far too much to bear

she did some palm reading and some other stuffs i dont remember.

all that i can remember her telling me now was i have only 3 guys.
whether i'll be with them at all depends on me.
my action may change with time but the 3 of them are here to stay.
out of the 3 only 2 loved me truly and the other 1 is just plain love but not that kinda real love.
according to her im the few lucky ones shes seen so far to have such a nice reading.
but the thing is there will be these few crucial moments that decide my fate with them.
how i choose is also a totally different story with each decision i make.
but the decisions and actions may and may not be directly in the decision of love.
it may be something before that that changes the outcome.
they'll follow me through my student years and continue to look after me after that.
the clue she say is through my student life... gee...

at that point of time i dont have any crush on any guy but the very next year what she said influenced me in a way.
i was really really in love with this boy in class.
why i dont really recall but one of the factor was that he swims really well and hes really a charmer... AWWwwwww.......
its like everytime i see him face to face i'll fell myself blush
if he talks to me i'll feel really giddy
i'll smile to myself everytime i peek at him in class secretly
i'll feel really in love each time i misses him and thinks of him
i even got inspired to really mug like hell to just do well in class to be on par or around his standard

then my form teacher had to put me in class the next year in primary 6 to be seated right next to him... can you imagine the delight
but it was short lived for i was one of the loners in class and the gals then see me as a total failure and totally not in a position to even be his friend
stares plunge into my body like daggers darting from all angle
i dragged my school bag and sat carefully beside him careful not to disturb anything between us especially the furnitures
soon i got used to sitting beside him but the crush never passed.
maybe we were shy or maybe he knew
our tables drifted apart soon and before we know it the teachers started complaining that we are a really distracting sight
2 persons sitting on the aisle of the classroom at the end of the class
i plead blaming on the poor visibility from the back but our from wouldnt listen
she even treaten to stick our chairs and tables together if we drift even a milimeter apart

ah well those days...
i never quite got over him even till now but being more matured its alot easier to handle the feelings than last time
for some reason (which bothered me)
we are still very much in contact with each other and it feels to me that the form is still trying her best to complete her unfinished business
sounds familiar anyone??

i never had that nice feeling again after that
that giddyness
that high
that anticipation
that missing and thinking

okay maybe once or twice but nothing really close at all
but then that may be because i was hurt really bad by that group of gals that started terrorising me the moment i moved my sitting position...

where are the 3 of you?
is he one of the 3?
bah! stupid questions!
its time to live again panda~
time to climb out of that me a long time ago
but i dont feel like going yet~

me returning to me

im feeling really familiar now~
dont know what happened but im starting to feel like the me when im small

when im bullied in school
when im called many nasty name
when im really zi bi...

then someone told me i may be experiencing depression

DEPRESSION?!

nah even if it is it is a very mild and tiny case of depression that comes on and off
i hate to admit that im really indeed honestly a little crazy and moody
but it seems that everything is really coming back to me again
im scared but i dont know what to do
i feel helpless but i dont want any help
it seems that i am actually enjoying the whole process of depression again.

sitting in the dark
crying in the dark
thinking in the dark
feeling sorry in the dark
staring into space in the dark
feeling that pain in the heart
curling into a ball and cry
freezing myself in the night
eating alone
contacting no one
isolating myself to myself
treating small nice stuffs to myself as if no one cares.....

i like the dark
i enjoy the pain
i adore the loneliness
i like to shut everyone out ( JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!) and be to myself

i may be a psycho but at least i do that to myself only

i hate the crowd
i hate groups of laughing friends
i hate people enjoying themselves
i hate happy family
i hate smiles
i hate everything nice and wonderful that is not happening to me

okay this may seemed to be a different me totally but yea this is that dark and terrifying side of me.
according to councelling teachers who talked to me a long time ago
they said that i am a we person
i like to feel company
i want people to like me thats why im a different me with different groups of people
they say i have that laughter and nice personality because im not confident of the real me
i hide myself behind the tested and proven sucessful me in the public eye and hide the real me behind
i do all these to protect the real me behind from hurt and injury
they say i may have unplesant experiences that i sucessfully shut from myself
and that i am doing all these in front and behind everyone to balance myself.
not all of then but one told me that if its the best way to carry on living i should continue the split personality.
i did and sucessfully did it but not totally unfortunately.
while the other say if i continue this way i might never survive the society.
some even say i might want to consider a shrink.

hmm...
maybe someday i will be forced to see one
but in the meantime~ let this be a dark little secret between us okay?

~everytime~

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me

Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

chromatic scales

chromatic scales

the item that i am currently practicing so much its starting to get really boring singing it
yes its for choir and its my humble little homework that we are suppose to do on our own.
this is a new trem to me mind you hor but its actually quite fun leh

my aim next is to learn perfect pitch!
im gonna karchiao people to teach me that! pianists BEWARE!!!

chromatic scales by the way is playing the keys on the piano one by one in a direction
and pressing the white and black ones one after another... hmm... get the basic idea??

aiyah sorry lar me aint no pianist or anything near that so dont expect really clear answers from me ya??

hmm.....
theres another
staccato and legato
well staccato is basically jumpy notes and legato is basically flowing notes

good hor!
i learn alot hor~ but.....
well its a little too late actually considering that i start singing 3 years ago coming to 4 in late march
BUT at least im learning

oh yes
we might even be able to cut our very own CD in the future!
the thought of entering the recording studio makes me really excited man!!
the feeling is creeping up my back again~ oh dear~
har har HAR!!!!!!!!!

oops......

by the way watashi no choral group is
CONSONANCE

DBS arts center

haiya!!! its me again!!!!
well yea who else do you expect actually??
my brother arh?!
if he post something funny arh...i'll KILL 'IM arh!!!!

lol i think he not interested lar
we are like the extreme 2 opposite of the poles man!!!
im the one with polarpandas
hes the one with people that jam (you know those drummers and players)

yea....

ohh actually i was chatting with our dear choral conductor
ehh.... actually it's known as something else but i forgot the name for him~

well he and he's professional peers are putting up a performance on the 19 of February 2005.
it essentially to raise funds for the Tsunami people~ that how i address them actually
its $30 dollars at that DBS arts center

its not that i dont like that place
but i prefer places like esplanade or VCH for that space
its like i can just try and dissolve into a dark corner and hope no one notices me~
i dread seeing anyone i know around there

why?!

i dunno actually
its like~
lemme see.......
having this extra large bowl of jelly to myself and my favourite dark corner
suddenly someone comes along and discovers you!
they say hi, casual 5 second chat then disappear in the crowd.

you know like someone discover you when you are enjoying some erm.... personal enjoyment and distroy that beautiful bubble~ WAAAaaaaaaaaa.........

yes, DBS arts center is really very cosy~ nice if you are part of that very musical and arty community which I AM ABSOLUTLY NOT!!!

i swear man! im just a passerby who happen to enjoy these arty stuffs regardless of
genrea(i dunno how to spell arh...).
i know nuts about theatre, play, chim choir stuffs, orchestra(chinese or symphony), instrumental, conductors, famous arty-must-know-common-knowledge, blah, blah, blah.......

so imagine you are me who happen to be at that not really clear line between non-arty and arty.
you are at a err... okay production like "the complete works of shakespear in 90 minutes" at DBS arts center.
you meet someone say..... a friend you know from other arty ppl in your big group of
arty-but-rarely-contact fwends pops up and say hi!!!!!!
oh no.... err....
hi?
then what?? they start the conversation about the play.... how i answer?
oh its nice! i enjoyed it! it satisfy me.
'ohh really i think the director is really good you know......'
chotto matte!!!!!!!!!!!
director...think gal think where did this familiar guy appear b4!!! oh noo..... cant t.h.i.n.k!
err.... yea!!!!! this one's really choreographed nicely..... wait a minute is that the job of the director?! shit!!!!

see..... thats what always happen to me at DBS arts center.....

VCH arh....
oh hi!!!!! you are sweengee right? niece of blah blah..............
oh hi yea..........
tonight can?! enjoy ornot?? the guest player good hor! wah the voice phew man!!
err..... yea....
so which piece did you enjoy?
DIE! which ones are performed arh? should i flip? oh no....how to pronounce....hmm.......
err..... i like them all lar! nothing in particular my favourite lar!
oh really?! well i like that blah blah by blah blah....
what did she say?? which one is it?? the 1st one or that 3rd one? this time kena liao lar..... T.T
ohh.... i see.....
by the way what instrument are you playing huh? same as your auntie arh?
im a goner this time.... where is the elders when you need them!
i........................ actually nothing.................................................
ohh......
RING~
well i'll see you later okay!! where you sit?
i arh...... at GG aisle seat....
ohh okay quick go or we late liao.....
okay okay...
turn and run like hell!!

esplanade leh~
hmm.... mixture lor~

anyway.... if anyone's going...
tell me hor!!
so that i can stick to you before, during the interval and after the whole thing ends!
then i'll be safe
maybe not very but at least got company as err..... shield lor!!

but in the meantime.....
wish me luck!
WAAAaaaaaa...........

i fell so lucky!

yo!!!
today arh i realise im really lucky man!!
consonance learning songs for the concert but out of the 3 songs~ i know 2 liao~!!
har har!!!

hmm....
i've been thinking of asking greg on how he actually sort the voices and how my voice fair so far~
just curious actually~
for someone who know nuts about this field except being an appreciative audience
this is really fresh and intriguing~~
but damn i forgot again~ heez...

but now im pondering on the $$ issue~
i never thought that i actually am so involved until today~
i am actually thinking of ways to draw in funds to support the production~
actually i've always been taken care of and other people always settle these things one
i only have to ponder on how to sell my tickets only~~

well
after a brief conference with one of the member, i realise that its not that easy to get sponsorship at all especially when we are still puny and not really in the hot sun yet
lol
well theres always another way out somehow~

lets adopt the garfield way of living!
theres always a way out of everything~

computer idoit me

waaaaa biang~
this blog thing is really hard man and i GIVE UP!

never mind that everyone elses blog is nicer and more interesting~ har har!

wq and ben ones are the more complicated ones that i have seen so far
but those that catches me are the ones which are chim not on the outlook but the writing as well as the thoughts that produces those things man.

maybe i'll work hard one day and try to make this more complicated and thought povoking!
har har maybe in a thousand years time lar~

oh by the way~ if you are looking for something nice to read
i recommend ben's rain diary~ i really liked it
WHY?
dont ask me arh
i like chim and funny stuffs because~ err.... dunno leh!!
okay lar
i shall karcheow you guys who are so kind to be my readers again when the time comes
(by the way i didnt now that people read my blog one wor~ nice surprise man!)

panda out~

my long lost hobby->LEARNING

har har har!!!
the panda without eye circle has gotten a little funny....

i dunno maybe its the holiday coming
maybe its the lack of lessons and routine to go through.... basically school...
i want to go to school~~
i want to learn something!
all i get for my share of learning is preparation for the concert with Vox Humana....
that is too little man... i want more!!!

you might think im funny or weired but i tell you this
the anticipation of possible schooling again is really making me high
i wont stand for another year of no school!
i want to study but i hae always been very lazy...

har har
true wor no bluff!

ya la ya la~ my fault okay
no angry okay
i swear i'll mug like crazy okay~ if i get into a uni that is~
working is no fun especially people dont want part-time~

im still waiting for my attachment to start leh
really boring wor~
and i still havent got any saving to restart my iceskating lessons... sigh...
my only hope of reviving it at a more affordable cost is university
aiyah joining the iceskating club lar dur! then can meet people in the tiny community of iceskaters!!!
yesh!!

but till then i want to make at least 1K so that i can get a nice skating shoes..
hmm.... but in the meantime i think i'll have to slim down wor~
or at least get fit so that i can tahan the training and practices~

HA! HA! HA!

reading vs me

i finally pick up reading again wor~
but i still have my really bad habit man....
i never remember or take note of the author nor the title so long its a nice book to read...
aiyah how?
people read for entertainment only mah!
dont force me to remember these things leh!!!
very hard for me you know~

hm... im currently reading 'somebodyelse' by Reggie Nadelson.
ahh at least this book is in my record now!
ha!! got one enough liao but if i remember i;ll post the other titles when i read them providing that i remember!

this book arh~
interesting lor!
its written post 9/11 i think or according to the layout of the book lar
aiyah panda me anything interest me one lor
not easy to get bored by books one lar~ so my word not very chun wor~
it makes me wonder how many people on this globe regret going for plastic surgery...
because at the start i think the main characters man left her because she go for surgery
but not because of that primarily~ its the problems that lead to that.
first he like the imperfect her and that he dont like the way she look after surgery lar~
simple

im not against these so called man-made beauty
but i told myself to like the me the way i am and that if i want to improve i have to work hard lar
but not through surgery if i can help it lor
thats why im against dyeing my hair and stuffs like that lar
but girls like to make ourselves pretty mah~
so i cannot guarantee that i'll stay free of these things forever one lor
i may go for fake eyelash or even a double eyelid someday~
but one thing that is bugging me is the laser treatment for short-sightedness
quite catchy to me wor
i hate spects man
always gets in my way although ppl say i look better with then cos i get tiny eyes~
sigh~

arh well at least im trying to make myself more intellectual lar~
man so i still feel really dumb.... T.T