March 29, 2005

the w-o-l-s phonomenon of mine

this is really bad...
i feel slow really slow and the days are passing at light speed by me...
at the rate im moving... i might as well just sit in my favourite corner and see the days change colors as i try and meditate some meaning out of my life.

the coms moving far too slow for my comfort and i have no idea how to reverse this phenomenon... and i have spent already half the day trying to get there just to type this nonsensical entry to please the hungry munchers in front of their monitor for a bit of my daily life and free gossips.

well i cant think of any gossips to add to the already dry blog at the moment although i might come up with one somewhere later in a inconspicuous spot so that you will miss it altogether.

well someone unexpected actually messaged me yesterday... yea i dont like that person altogether but i figure that i would have prefered one more friend rather than the boring foes. so i just ,as usual ,acted friendly out of painfully kempt courtesy. although i think i sounded rather bo chap but ah well i dont really bother.

how about the chance at a makeover which i missed because i didnt want to get out of bed earlier. it sucked but then who needs a makeover when you cant stay at that made up beautiful stage forever everytime you leave your santuary to the harsh elements out there... but then i am really sore at the fact that i didnt have a chance to keep a photo of me beautiful for once as prove that i am really not that ugly at all.

hmm... oh yea something rather pleasant for me....
i finished a book and wanted to start another. a moment to be in the book of rather usual and uninteresting records (u know what im talking about)
for someone who never finished the use of foolscape paper, pencils or even pens during school, the accomplishment of actually a feat and a rather rare occasion that might be even rarer than the blue blue moon i saw last night.

the blue day book
a title that interest me for the plain but rather chim sound to it.
my fantasy and love for cute froggy pictures for nobodyevenmeknowswhat reasons.
okay its a luxury item that normal being like me who are really poor and needs to save $$ desperatly should not even think of owning. but then that blue notebooks too much for me to tahan after almost 3 years of holding back for the reallycrazilyexpensiveemptybook price to drop a nano bit.

oh wow look at my accomplishment. l craped so much today. hmm for those of you who actually sarvive till now~ cudos!

March 25, 2005

oh slackers club

haha yea i know its no wonder that i am from slackers club since im such a big slacker in real life~

hmm... well its been a long long time since we met up~
today its at PS and well lunch at cartel then cake for tracia, tea at parkmall, book Miss Congeniality 2 movie tix at PS and finally at J8 for the movie and dinner after that~
whew thats alot of stuffs done actually...
the movie arh... well its actually nicer than i actually expected! Sandra Bullock's really great!

me an extrovert or introvert...
thats been the age long debate since i took the very first personality test...
it seems that i am a different person in front of different group of friends and peers and even family...
well someone told me that its my mechanism to protect myself and make sure that everyone likes me in the group and that i dont invite any controversy onto thyself...
hmm... this im not sure cos if it is i sure made it a natural thing to do liao~ haha!!!

hmm... im still a little dizzy from the movie... but then its really nice to be with all of you again~
i really appreciate the company and all of you as Sandra Bullock says...
i dont really have much friends to start with especially since the dark ages of primary school...
thats why everyone of you means alot to me~!

MUACK!! haha!!
ohh sorry sorry..... *wipe wipe wipe* hehheh

March 24, 2005

hmm.... something from charm's test...

You're an INFP

INFP

You focus deeply on your values and devote your life to chasing ideals...
you often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group.
You're creative and seek new ideas and possibilities.
You quietly push for what's important to you, and rarely give up.
You might be somewhat gentle or have a good sense of humor, you could be hard to get to know and overlooked by others...
you like to make the world more in line with your vision of perfection.

If you're a teenager, you probably have a bit of a rebellious streak.
You might argue with others who hold different values than yourself..
you probably have a small close-knit group of friends...
you can relax around these pals and be pretty entertaining, since you see the world in a different and special way...
that's why your posts on the Storm Palace are so great!

Inner harmony is the most important thing to you.
You're sensitive and loyal.
You have a strong sense of honor concerning your personal values.
You'd rather communicate your feelings in writing...

You do best in a flexible situation where the teacher/collegue takes a personal interest in you...
you like to interact with your peers, but not TOO much ...
you have both creativity and flexibility, and you like that about yourself....
you don't get bogged down by details...
your job must be fun and it must be meaningful to you....
you don't wanna feel conspicuous so you'll sell yourself short just to avoid the spotlight...

You can be a gentle and subtle leader...
being indirect and inclusive of others...
you don't confront people head-on, but rather work with 'em to get the job done....
you lead with your values in mind and let these guide you...
you don't like conflict, so you don't confront situations directly..
you'd rather wait for a situation to work itself out....

Leisure and kickin' back is really important to you.
sometimes it is hard to separate work from play, huh?
when you find a new recreational pursuit, you do a lot of reading up on it...
most of your leisure things are done alone, like reading, listening to music, and even BBSing....
when you want to be sociable, you can be very charming and outgoing..

Love is a very deep commitment to you...
it's not easily attained...
you probably pick out flaws or are disappointed when he or she doesn't match up to your ideal as to what love should be like...
first dates are very well set up to make sure everything is taken care of so it can be "just right." you might have a hard time sharing feelings about others...
you tell so many feelings inside that you forget to tell your partner that you love 'em or whatever....

If the relationship goes bad, you take it to heart, but probably don't tell many others about it....
you have a tendency to overreact, huh?
Other things to watch for...
don't get so caught up in your dreams that you don't consider others' points-of-view...
you might not adjust your vision to the facts of a situation...
you may need a "reality check" once in a while...
also, don't try to please everyone and be so hesitant to criticize...
don't delay projects 'cause you're holding out for perfection...
it's not gonna come...
don't get overly critical because no one matches your perfect ideals...
you could lash out and it could get ugly.

INFP: "I Never Find Perfection"

hmm..... does it sound like me??
yea maybe but its difficult to choose between the choices that are left for me during the test...
but as i remember~ the last time i did that test during a camp... its a different answer... but as usual i dont remember the test results lar~ too bo chap i guess

March 22, 2005

whoa i actually have readers!

waaa
i have replies!!! haha

actually its the haze thats affecting me lar~
being a sufferer of ASTHMA i am endowed with the misfortune of having to endure the side effects unlike you who can behave and play as per normal even under these scary conditions...

i was joking lar~ im not dying yet okay~!

im trying to get a tag so that you guys might my tempted to reply more~

oh yea and i want a JOB arh!!!!
i have to like reject jobs because i cant work at night except monday and sunday.....
wa biang not that i dont want to but then i die die have to attend language classes....
and i well yea refuse to miss choir... i am really hooked onto it lar no choice...
its my booster for the rest of the week u see.... no choir means bad week ahead~
so there goes my potential jobs and actually attractive income... haiz....

*yawnz*
shall karchiao u ppl again later
till then....

March 21, 2005

hazy lazy breathlessly

haiz....
i feel so lazy nowadays.... or was it dizziness...?
or
i will feel like im am suffocating really slowly in the haze that surrounds me...
*cough cough....

how...
i dont feel like doing anything, dont feel like going out because i dont feel up to it...
dont want to leave the house because i feel breathless even walking in the park...
damn... can someone exchange the whole breathing system with me?
im sick and tired of the puffer and breathless deal liao lar...

although i dont even really care if i die of asthma or something else... im not in the mood to pass on yet, at least not yet lar~

i love you all family or friends or enemies if you actually exist at all...
but then i want to die b4 everyone of you because i dont want to be sad and i dont want to be left behind alone and become a lonely ahNgee~
i am saying this because i have dreams. nightmares that you guys die and the emotions that i woke with sucked really. at least i dont feel so sucky if i die first...

March 18, 2005

BREATH & lotsa H2O!

hmm.. i was reading many people's blog....
people like charm, gektiang and tracia which are those that i have address at the moment... care to contriute more?

well it seems that everyone's realy busy and are falling ill around me... hmm... do i feel something coming up? ohh i think i have funny immune system... haha
well take care everyone! dont fall sick or suffer things like headache or common flu hor!
oh yea!
BREATH!!!
thats what i think you guys might have seen on other blogs' comment or tag board...
i read somewhere a while ago that BREATHing helps ease stress, headache and alot other syndromes associated with city dwellers and students which i prefer to call scholars.
okay the air isnt that good at the moment but by the time it reaches your lungs, its 99% clean already! provided u breath through your nose that is.
so it isnt that bad lar...
ohh yea WATER too... the vital H2O of life... ahh nice...

well im getting rounder and more flabby by the day... maybe its my optimism thats working overtime or was it stress making me eat more??
okay i'll try to grow smaller but then i dont gaurantee anyone anything hor! especially myself...

March 17, 2005

my photographer dream

photographs.
the other window in which i see how beautiful a moment can be.
a 0.125 second moment.
a moment of truth. raw emotions. naked facts.

my idea of being a freelance or more of a private interest to preserve these moments.
a simple idea of catching anything that is so brief yet so beautiful, so sorrowful, so simple, so lovely, so rare.
what inspired me to finally put this thought into words are the beautiful moments that i encounter so much this week.

an old couple holding hands making their way across the road.
a father holding onto his newborn in his lap in the bus, both sleeping
i group of old man playing chess while drinking beer.
an old granded smiling smoking his 'ang hoon' while looking at the grandson play at the void deck.
i really old ah ma at china town tending her son's stall by sitting quietly in a corner.

maybe someday i'll have my very own exhibition.

March 15, 2005

HR personnel vs me

tip from the newspaper.
call the employer and check on your application.

so i did. i called the few employer of my choice. ask them about the results of my interview or mostly resume. or did they throw it away... hmm...
al well i was refered to this and that. somehow they seemed really scared telling me that they found someone else... this other guy refused to pick up the phone arh... haha.

ah well im still lazing around waiting for a faithful call. maybe i'll get the call real soon. or maybe not haha.
i dont really mind or care but i little extra money can come useful though...

okay time to catch up on the HR liao i'll blog again soon.

March 14, 2005

omg! my blog is refusing me~

am i really that distasteful??
i have no idea but this blog's been refusing me for the past few days...
hmm...

i cant edit my previous entries or even log in sometimes...

ahh well as long as i think that i am not that horrible tasting i think im okay...
see a shirnk?? are you CRAZY? i know i am not and i dont have any brainy concerned problems besides the fact i cant handle academic well thats all.

ahh choir updates? hmm lemme think...
ohh we're done with the american folksong. and theres a new song that involves only a few words throughout. nice song. somehow i like the feel it gives me.

practice practice.
time to do something besides sitting in front the box.

March 11, 2005

rainy days of my life

hmm.... life seems really sad nowadays...
i have nothing to do and my application for jobs failed miserably... haha
i have so much to say earlier but then i forgot what is it that i wanted to say...

i just realise that my only crush just got more handsome and charming
empty window boring man....

anyone has anything interesting to report... blogs seemed really expected and boring too...
okay maybe its my problem but then i think i am going through a difficult time lar...

but at least swimming took my mind off reality a while. but then im shook really madly back into life again....
maybe choir tomorrow can help me fly into the panda dimension again...
la la la...

March 08, 2005

boring life versus no life

i think my life is utterly boring
but then people say i am experiencing no life at all

hmm....
what is the difference arh?
no life bring out the boringness of life and boring life is associated with the mono-tone days that i live with no surprises.

give me something to do PLEASE SOMEONE!!!

okay besides my cant-stand-it-anymore introduction
i might want to introduce a game that i started playing recently although it gives me that dizzy aftermath when i play it for more than 1 hour.

CONSTANTINE

cool game nice effect and interesting layout of the whole game and concept.
it make it even more enjoyable after you watch the movie and apply what you know from the movie into the game.
maybe you should try the game soon especially if you enjoyed games like CS and maybe can tahan 3D effects as well as scary atmosphere and tahan frequent heart-attack triggered by the demons appearing from nowhere.

now back to me again.

im still mourning the passing of me...
passing of me? Yes you heard me. the passing of me!
i died not technically but mentally.

its so tiring to stay alive and then when you strive to preserve the nice things around you and try to enjoy although life sucks for you
people go killing their family and finally kill themselves after that just so that they can all be together. what kinda monster would do that... especially to the ones you love and the kids that are basically life itself?!
im a sicko and virtually hopeless yet im trying to survive because there isnt anything that is so bad that makes living not worth it
even if your life like mine is worth nothing maybe you can try and make someone elses life better and thus not waste yourself. see....

if you really want to die
read my suggestion.
please dont die by actions that troubles the policemen.
things like slitting your wrist, jumping, dying in the midddle of the forest and drinking poison are basically often seen as possible murder thus wasting alot of taxpayers $$.
killing yourself in your own car might me a nice way. you look nice and we dont have to remove you with any trouble.
jumping from buildings basically leaves alot of clean up to do. your blood cant get washed off so easily and often scare people into walking round the site an extra mile to advoid the possibility if seeing you at night. if you jump from even higher we have to scrape you off the pavement and have to go through the pain of locating you waste time waste $$.
maybe you can try tying a rock to your ankle and drown yourself. let the fished eat you away and you basically disappear from the face of earth. save $ save trouble. you might even help add a couple of Kgs of crude oil in a million years.
or even better donate your organs and the beating heart to someone trying to live as long as possible!

that leaves me with the last words of advice.
there are still so many beautiful things on earth to even consider death.
death is not reversible. you jump of the cliff and then decide to quit dying.
trust me there is more to life then death.

March 06, 2005

ahh...sunday

ahh gee this is the second time im typing this...
damn computer...

well i havent felt this lazy for a long long time....
the kinda lazy thats actually quite tiring.
i refust to think to work to move but then im still doing something thats actually frustrating if your computer dosent want to comply.

lemme rest awhile more clear my mind then maybe i can think and comtemplate my mext move better...

ohh... anyone interested in the singing for the wedding thing?
you might want to check consonance group if you havent heard of this yet...
sounds interesting...

March 04, 2005

let me hide for a while

although this may seems as rather extra
im just giving all a gentle reminder to stay clear of the karchua
i might bite i might blow i might do funny stuffs that are unplesant...

okay okay the big woha is all over my results...
i did bad and i mean bad really bad... worse than my previous haha.... CDO... yea....

so i just want to like clear my mind cos this time its a hard blow
when you did well in everything except this when you actually work at hougang mac like crazy
i hate to say this but i find studying alone better for me when a couple of my friends forced me to study with them.... i had to like comply cos they dont believe i study without them looking at me... so now they are gonna gag and start the second round of reprimanding... maybe i should just disappear from their side forever.

having said that i would like to clear the murky air of confusion... you people who know my blog dont belong to that certain gang lar dont worry...
its just that you give me my certain space to manouver while they give me none thats all...
i dont like being restricted... and much less lectured in a bad way....
im the encouragement freak... i need encouragement to work....

okay its stupid but then i find that i can work with the pressure to not fail anyones expectation rather than prove myself.

but for now dont worry cos im gonna commit suicide... i'll call for help if i have the thought dont worry lar (that is if you are worrying)
as well as my other committments such as choir or my language lessons.
this setback might be huge but nonetheless not enough to stop my activities, which will affect many as well as my committments which are to me vital especially after this setback.

i warned all of you already...
i might relapse into my younger self who suffer mild depression... but i know how to get out of it lar....
alot of darkness, quietness and a cold corner to squeese into.
im a weird being... loneliness actually cures me of alot of emotions.
side effects... hmm maybe i'll suffer occasional pang of stare-into-space syndrom for awhile...

but i'll be back~
maybe meaner and stronger

ahh shucks

i went for a bobbi brown interview today at estee lauder
first interview experience... although they did not ask for a resume i concorted one in 3 hours.
BUT they really dont want any resume... sigh...
im aiming for a permanent part-time position as a make up artist...
okay i hear rustle of surprise and the unbelieveable minds shifting in their chair...
c'mon lar karchua do things got no reason one...
okay maybe have reason...
i was thinking of a job that will be entirely NOT me so that i can like do something out of the norm.
at the same time i want pocket money... i want to change the sofa set at home, the refrigerator, buy myself something really nice...
besides its time i earn something to refill my bank account for the money that i robbed for my many many lessons everywhere!
then i was also thinking of it is possible for me to work all the way and school if i got into university...
that way i can make sure i am free of money troubles for my needs and live comfortably!
at least thats what i always want to do lar... uni and work.
and it happens that i see this one that interest me from the recruits page finally...
this one seems really interesting... make ppl beautiful, learn skills like make-up, and get to sample the cosmetics! why not?
i know i dont have the qualities of a beauty but being a girl at heart, i still want to play with make-up and make myself pretty lar~
apparently the person whose suppose to interview me is very busy and was not in office to interview me...
so...
im hoping to receive the call from them for the second interview with her hopefully.
BobbiBrown is a brand that i've always wanted to be associated with. why? i dont really know...
haha a little dumb but maybe its just the feeling. somehow the interviewer call it M.A.C.
yes the one endorsed by stars like Elton John lar...
maybe im over infectuated with earning money since im trying to get my swimming deal going and trying to fix a part-time for an external source of stable pay.
bonous maybe but there are whispers sround my ear that tickle saying its needless that i work so so hard... maybe
but im making plans for the worst...
sigh...
lets hope all these plans will never be put to action ever okay?
yea i hear you~ thanks!



March 03, 2005

a tip from BobbiBrown Online

...a reply letter from BobbiBrown makeup artist to cater my skin color

Hi karchua(changed to err protect me...?):We apologize for the delay in responding to you. It is due to the increase in email we have been receiving this season. I will be happy to suggest a natural makeup look for you that would be acceptable for school work and play. First, prepare your skin with the right cleanser and moisturizer for your skintype. Be sure to moisturize your under-eye area with the HYDRATING EYE CREAM,which creates a perfect canvas for your concealer.Begin by lightening any under-eye darkness with Bobbi's CREAMY CONCEALER KIT. This convenient kit contains a creamy, full coverage concealer and a yellow-based powder for setting. Apply the concealer with Bobbi's CONCEALER BRUSH only where there's darkness. Gently pat in with your fingertip to blend,and set with the yellow-based powder, using the deluxe Mini Puff to apply. Brush away any excess powder with the EYE BLENDER BRUSH. For your skin tone, I recommend the shade PORCELAIN (for very fair skin). First, even out your skin tone with foundation. It's very important to find theright shade for your skin, so that it blends right in and looks natural. Try the OIL FREE EVEN FINISH FOUNDATION SPF 15 if you have normal to oily skin, or the MOISTURE RICH FOUNDATION SPF 15 if you are normal to dry. Both of these liquid foundation formulas offer a medium coverage that may be applied, using either your fingertips or a makeup sponge. Apply either all over the face or justwhere you feel you need some coverage.For your skin tone, I recommend the shade PORCELAIN (for very fair skin). Set your foundation with the PALE YELLOW Face Powder, using the POWDER PUFF to apply and the POWDER BRUSH to sweep away the excess. Bring out your eyes by applying WHITE Eye Shadow (a pure white) all over from lashes to brow, using the EYE SHADER BRUSH. Then sweep BLONDE Eye Shadow (a medium ash brown) over your lids from lashes to crease, using the EYE SHADOW BRUSH. Line your eyes with MAHOGANY Eye Shadow (a flat dark gray/brown), using the EYELINER BRUSH damp or dry. Finish with BLACK Everything Mascara. For a fresh, healthy look apply PALE PINK Blush (a bright pale pink) to the apple of your cheeks with a BLUSH BRUSH and blend out and downward using small strokes. Complete this look with a sheer application of SOFT ROSE Lip Color (a pinkrose). Top with WHITE Lip Gloss (a sheer glossy white) to add shine. For performance makeup I suggest you seek out your local Bobbi Brown counter. and blah blah confidential dont tell you haha.

so this is recommended to people with skin reagarded as very fair by many peers and dark brown to brown hair.

March 02, 2005

...doomsday

shyt lar~
dooms day's coming to me even earlier than expected... 4 march instead of 7...
damn...

okay a word of warning~

if i disappear on 4 march....
1. dont attempt to call me
2. dont try to find me
3. let me disappear a while lar
4. dont worry i wont kill myself one
5. this might take a while depending on the impact
6. i will continue my committments but dont karchiao me if im silent hor
7. i dont like crying cos it hurts so dont provoke me arh
8. help me divert attention
9. i may become crazier than ever

so the best thing to do is ignore me ( not forever lar)
then maybe tug me out of the mud if i seem to be sinking deeper into the relm of closure
hor.....