L.O.V.E. ngee

i was thinking alot recently about how i feel and how i react to things around me~

my overly summarised finding...

i like company of friends and people but i dont like the insecurity of being left alone in a big group (hence my Attract-Attention behaviour which pisses me off sometimes)
its like i like and enjoy (almost thrive on) friendly, light-hearted, truthful, joyful atmosphere.
take for instance how high i got just seeing my fwends last saturday.
i like being taken care of too... haha that concern feels too nice to reject!(ahh the warmth!)

but on the other hand i also like being left alone in the dark and quiet corner just to feel that peace and solitary with myself...
i get a little creepy at times like this because i start to evolve into a totally different me...
scared myself sometimes too! like how i'll suddenly cry uncontrollably and then become unusually quiet and still later, almost psychotic like.

another finding...

i like the company of many female friends becuse i like to hear their gossips and their many exciting stories like how they tahan that other friend or what did they do with their boyfriend, blah blah...

i simply adore the company of male friends (yes males) who treat me like their little sister.
i feel so blissful when they dote on me. it gets really great when they let me make alot of noise and try to please me... (i guess this is the effects of wanting a bigger brother really badly)

then there's this really close friends that i have who treat me like a brother...
i dont like (hated) that but then i cant change the way they treat me even though i really tried to change the way they treat me... sobz... i failed myself miserably...
but then those that are like male chauvinist i cannot tahan! especially when they ask me to shut up! humph!

aiyah i just want a bigger brother so badly im confusing sibling love for my fwends(males~im no lesbian) to crushes...
i need to wake up liao...

hmm... i decided to remove the songs although it makes the blog more appealing to me...
but then nevermind since NOBODY reads my blog anymore! humph!
okay maybe its exams time but then i feel kinda lonely reading and updating myself mah!

haiz...

my foot like swelled after yesterday night... painful to walk man.. but then i will survive this predicted 8 weeks of toture! haha i will prevail!!! muahahaha!!