BLARDEE HELL
funny messed up feeling man...
i like attention and giving them to people.
especially when im just there listening and enjoying that company simply.
for some reason.... im suddenly remembered by alot almost all of my friends whom i dont usually contact...
but for some reason i had a wonderful sunday with my ex-crush hehheh at orchid country club where he compete international dance with his beautiful partner Orange.
a wonderful day with my friends from choir and all those who supported me (talk about a friend in need...)
a wonderful conversation with my friends from secondary school whom i've not met for a long time and im looking forward to an outing with ゆきふみ and maybe kkg too!
blardee hell! now where is the rest of them??
i simply have no idea!
guess ive given up trying to keep in contact when somehow i keep having that sinking feeling of being pushed away...
did i not play my part as a friend hard enough or am i trying just too damn hard?
fine so i dont worship anime, comic books, PS games or other hip thing like you guys do,
that doesnt mean that i cant be part of you for goodness sake.
thank to xk arh~ say i dont keep in contact with you guys, wth when im there and you have to talk about nothing else than things that are just not what i do in life?
who the hell do you think that i should change my lifestyle so that i can talk and mix better?!
forget it man! i have enough of trying to manupilate myself so that i can understand and get into those conversations that you guys have IN FRONT OF me as though im not there.
thats it! i think im better off being me than that fake just to keep my friends around.
okay so a couple of you might think im experiencing PMS, but im NOT!
fine so you have army and/or other committment, that doesnt mean that i have all the time in the world and attention to please you guys okay?!
please the time still tick outside camp and sometimes its faster and more packed then in your world!
so you! think and judge! am i the only person whose always 'not free not free' or 'why are you always busy and dont have time for us?' or simply '^$@&%#&' and i have no idea what the hell you are talking and still have the cheek to say ' aiyah she dont understand one lar!'
please hor! stop pushing all that blame one me! think of you own actions before putting anything unsightly to my name!
im not always that nice and well everything has a limit to it!
for now im sick and tired of trying so hard to please that few of you and forgetting those who are there and requires my attention too...
i like attention and giving them to people.
especially when im just there listening and enjoying that company simply.
for some reason.... im suddenly remembered by alot almost all of my friends whom i dont usually contact...
but for some reason i had a wonderful sunday with my ex-crush hehheh at orchid country club where he compete international dance with his beautiful partner Orange.
a wonderful day with my friends from choir and all those who supported me (talk about a friend in need...)
a wonderful conversation with my friends from secondary school whom i've not met for a long time and im looking forward to an outing with ゆきふみ and maybe kkg too!
blardee hell! now where is the rest of them??
i simply have no idea!
guess ive given up trying to keep in contact when somehow i keep having that sinking feeling of being pushed away...
did i not play my part as a friend hard enough or am i trying just too damn hard?
fine so i dont worship anime, comic books, PS games or other hip thing like you guys do,
that doesnt mean that i cant be part of you for goodness sake.
thank to xk arh~ say i dont keep in contact with you guys, wth when im there and you have to talk about nothing else than things that are just not what i do in life?
who the hell do you think that i should change my lifestyle so that i can talk and mix better?!
forget it man! i have enough of trying to manupilate myself so that i can understand and get into those conversations that you guys have IN FRONT OF me as though im not there.
thats it! i think im better off being me than that fake just to keep my friends around.
okay so a couple of you might think im experiencing PMS, but im NOT!
fine so you have army and/or other committment, that doesnt mean that i have all the time in the world and attention to please you guys okay?!
please the time still tick outside camp and sometimes its faster and more packed then in your world!
so you! think and judge! am i the only person whose always 'not free not free' or 'why are you always busy and dont have time for us?' or simply '^$@&%#&' and i have no idea what the hell you are talking and still have the cheek to say ' aiyah she dont understand one lar!'
please hor! stop pushing all that blame one me! think of you own actions before putting anything unsightly to my name!
im not always that nice and well everything has a limit to it!
for now im sick and tired of trying so hard to please that few of you and forgetting those who are there and requires my attention too...
posted by babypanda at 00:08
1 Comments:
BLOODY HELL U TOO
disgusted messed up feelings, Yr not the only one, neglected, ignored, out of place.
I love giving people attention, being there to help then out, support them thru their times of need, and hope that i can be there in their times of joy and laughter
especially when im just there, all that, even if all i can do is be there quietly listening, even if i have to act stupid, childish, pretened that i could be no more lame, i try, listening and enjoying that company simply.
Yet for some reason.... im in realisation that almost all of my friends have me forgotten.
As some people know, there was a point of time when i deleted my whole add book saying that it was getting too cluttered. But REALLY, i did it just simply to see who would call me, who would remember me. And in the period of 3 weeks, i had a grand total of 18 entries, 10 of which were work related, asking me to do sai gang or to report back to get fucked. 3 of which were people i did not have contact with that i met on the street, 2 were friends needing my help, 2 where wrong numbers and on was i girl i recently met. how pathatic is that. And as usual, no one called to ask me out, nor to share something good that happened to them.
Always, but to be fair, 90% of the time, i am the one to ask pp out, to call and chat, if check if their ok, to the point that i ponder, i think in dispair, thru my pitiful 19 years of existance i've tried to be as supportive as nice, as much as a friend as i could to people i care 4, but when it comes down to me, when i need that company, the same supportive feeling, i'm left alone, eveyone is too busy in their own existance to notice mine. i find that i'm am forgotten left aside in solitary as a backup in when pp can find no one else, now how sad is that. and to realise that the people i know, barely know me, les 2 people that i barly see even once in a month.
i do no have wonderful days with my friends from choir and all those who
support me (cos i'm not in choir
a wonderful conversation with my friends from secondary school whom i've not met for a long time because they do not bother to invite me or are too busy or already going out when i call,
simply, i have run out of ideas. i begun thinking that friendship, company was something which was like the more u give the more u get, but now, i realise it was a a bluff, something u feed to naive little children.
guess ive given up trying to keep in contact when definately, i have that drowning feeling of being shoved away...
did i not play my part as a friend hard enough or am i trying just too damn hard?
yes, so i'm not a girl, well, not completely, fashion, girl stuff, nor do i go to sch, nor clubs and pub,other hip thing you guys do,
that doesnt mean that i cant be part of you for goodness sake.
thank to ngee arh~ say i always dont have time when u guys ask me out, wth when im there and you have to talk about nothing else than things that are just not what i do in life?
who the hell can i do, i bearly say out of camp long enough to do my own stuff.
but no, i will no just forget it man! yes, i have had enough of trying to manupilating myself so that i can understand and get into those conversations that you guys have IN FRONT OF me as though im not there and those conversations where i'm not there at all, i've had it hoping that u people would include me into yr lives as i had included yrs into mine, ive stopped wishing 4 things that i know will not happen.
but yet, as stupid as it is, i know that we are all up to an age now, we lead separate lives it do differ, and we may no longer have time for things or people in the pass. we constantly come into contact with new people, new things, work or studies that occupy us so much so that keeeping in contact with the pass is tiring and taxing and when forced can be a bother. and in that, i realise that no one is to blame, cus thats life, all i hope is that we u friends have tome to rest and reflect, that u would remember me.
to end off, sorry of any mistakes in grammer and spelling of difficulty reading. credits to u ngee 4 phases i copied,
and ps, read and think abt this ngee, don't just brush it off like u do everything i say.
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